My Birth Story Part 2

Last week I shared the first part of my birth story with all of the details that lead up to me giving birth to my son via emergency c-section. That whole journey was really scary but I had no idea that things were going to get worse before they got better. 

After I woke up from my c-section my first thoughts were “Thank God, I’m alive”. My next thoughts were “Where is my baby, is he alive??”. As I opened my eyes the first face I saw was the post-op nurse and then I turned to my right and saw the anesthesiologist who told me that my son and I were fine and that he wanted to update me personally since I was so upset before the surgery (seriously, UCSD has the BEST staff in San Diego). I was told that my baby has been whisked off to the NICU and that I’d be able to see him as soon as he was stable. I was drifting in & out of consciousness but soon I hear a familiar sound, I heard my husband’s voice as he and my doula neared my bed. The first thing I asked him was “have you seen the baby?”. Unfortunately, he hadn’t seen him yet. In fact, he and my doula had been waiting for 4 hours before they could come see me!

Over the next few hours I was transferred up to my postpartum recovery room where Chris (husband), Leslye (doula), and I got settled and waited to hear about the baby. Finally, a nurse came in and told us that Roman had been settled into the NICU and that Chris could go see him. I was told to rest for a few hours and that I might be able to go see him later that night. While I rested, Chris & Leslye went down to see my baby and brought back this picture. 

My immediate thought was “omg he looks just like Chris”. Roman is legit the spitting image of his dad, haha. You would think that I would be caught off guard by all of the wires, cords, & stuff that were covering him but I was just glad that he was alive. Looking back at that picture actually makes me so sad. My baby was fighting for his life. Though Chris is a tough guy I like to say that Roman gets his strength from his mama. I REALLY tried to see him that first night. I really REALLY tried but that incision pain was no joke. Imagine a hot searing knife slicing into your belly with every. single. movement. I’ve never felt a pain like that before and this is coming from someone who has had over 10 surgeries in her lifetime (including 2 spinal surgeries!). Guys, you have no idea how often you use your abdominal muscles until you have a c-section or some type of abdominal surgery. Coughing hurt, laughing was excruciating and I prayed to God that I wouldn’t have to sneeze because I just knew that I’d bust my stitches. To make matters worse, my husband is a friggin comedian. He makes the silliest things so damn funny and while that’s one of the many reasons why I love him, I’m honestly surprised I didn’t bleed to death from one of my laughing fits, haha. 

Roman’s NICU Stay

I was able to leave the hospital after 4 days but Roman was in the NICU for 24 days. Those were the longest 24 days of my life. While it’s obviously difficult to have a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit for any amount of time, what wore me down emotionally was the up & down nature of his NICU recovery. One day he’d have a great day and make huge improvements and the next day he’d regress and take a few steps backwards. It was hard not knowing what I’d be walking into when I went to see him. Slowly but surely he made some major improvements. Within 48 hours he was off of his oxygen supplementation and they were beginning to ease him into taking his feeds by mouth.

5 days into his stay we noticed that every time they’d swaddle him or touched his left arm he’d cry. We weren’t sure what to make of it because he was moving both of his arms freely but to be on the safe side the doctors wanted to get an x-ray. They then discovered that his left humerus (his upper arm bone) had been fractured. Wanna know how I got the news? A fellow from the NICU called us at 2am and told us. Two o’clock in the morning! When I saw the NICU number pop up on my phone , my heart sank. I just knew that they were calling me to tell me that my baby had died. When I heard her say that he had a fractured arm I immediately burst into tears and tried to listen to everything that she was saying but I couldn’t focus. Once we hung up all I could do was sob. For those of you who don’t know, I suffered a birth injury to my  right arm during my own birth which left my right arm paralyzed for most of my life. One of the biggest things I worried about during my pregnancy was something similar happening to my baby and here I was…finding out that my baby’s arm had been injured. Oh, the irony!

After updating my husband and crying with him I decided to call the fellow back to get more information. I could focus now and knew what questions to ask. The doctor then told us that his arm was injured during the c-section. WTF! According to doctors, c-sections are supposed to be safer than vaginal births yet here we are  🙄. Thankfully, his fracture is fully healed and he has no deficits! During the course of his stay we battled against jaundice, weight loss, and the biggest obstacle which was his feeding tube. Since he was 5 weeks early he didn’t have a chance to master the suck & swallow reflex in the womb so they placed a NG tube to help supplement his feeding while working up to him taking all of his feeds by bottle. This was the main reason why he was in the NICU for so long. They had a really strict rule that babies had to eat every 3 hours and if they didn’t wake up for feeds or seem to “eat vigorously" then they’d just feed him via the feeding tube. What I had to realize and explain to the doctors is that the 3 hour rule just didn’t work for Roman. He just happened to be one of those kids who didn’t scream at the top of their lungs when he was hungry. So after some push back and my growing frustration with their feeding program, I convinced the doctors to start on-demand feedings. They warned me of the risks and that starting on-demand feeding too early could set him back but I knew in my gut that this was the right call. We started the on demand feeding on a Saturday and Roman came home the next Tuesday. The power of advocacy!

Lessons I’ve Learned

I have learned so much about myself during this journey. Here are my top 2 lessons that I’ve learned since giving birth.

1.Things don’t always go as planned.

Giving birth to my son has taught me how to go with the flow and not become attached to a specific outcome. When I first got pregnant I was determined to not have a c-section. I was ready to fight the hospital because I just knew that they’d push me to get an unnecessary c-section. I really felt like it was me against the doctors but it turns out that I picked a wonderful medical team who supported me every step of the way and made the right call to ensure that my son arrived safely earthside. While things obviously didn’t go as I planned, they worked out for the best. I had to trust the process and know that everything was happening exactly how it was meant to.

2. Trust my Instincts

Mother’s intuition is strong af! I normally don’t have an issue with the plans that doctors suggest but when it came to my son I immediately followed my gut instincts and fought for him. When your gut tells you something, follow it through! Our babies can’t speak for themselves and it is up to us to fight for them and be their advocate.

Thank you all so much for the kind words & encouragement! I’m truly lucky to have such an amazing village!

Xo,

Sarah